Thursday, March 31, 2011

Living, He loved me Dying, He saved me Buried, He carried my sins far away Rising, He justified freely forever One day He’s coming Oh glorious day, oh glorious day

Between this and Crowders How He Loves, these 2 songs give me such great encouragement. In fact, they make me want to go dig in to His word and find some more great stuff. Thanks for all of your encouragement. I love it and I am thankful. Oh I am still struggling. Still have some big questions that I am kind of afraid to ask because I am kind of afraid of the answers. But that's kind of what I have struggled with all my life.

Years and years ago I chose this as my life verse for soooo many reasons.

2 Timothy 1:7 (New King James Version) 7 For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Its simple but it sums me up. I have lived in fear, in odd ways, in ways you may not know. Here's the thing, I may have a big mouth with lots and lots to say, but I sure do keep a lot inside. I have been so afraid of what people think of me that is has totally kept me from reaching all that God created me to be. Now I know that everyone struggles with stuff but my fear of what people think of me has gone on since I was a little girl and I sure did cover it well.

What I am finding interesting is that I have been a believer since I was way little and just now am I truly discovering the love He has for me. I will never understand it but every now and then I get a little glimpse which the coolest thing. I am doing a Bible study right now which is leading me deeper into is word and how He wants us to love others as He loves us. I am really wondering why its not part of who we are or why many (including myself) are not trying to make it part of who we are.

I grew up realizing the church was more than the building. I know that. Its more than just the bodies that attend there. After being a God follower for over 25 years, I am now understanding that we are the church and we literally are the hands and feet of Christ. I just love how we can be the love of Christ to sooo many. I am blown away by friends who have for the past few years have publiclally shared what God has done in their lives. I am blown away by encouragement I have gotten and the unexpected wisdom from friends I never expected. I am not surprised by all of this, but just loving the unexpected. Friends who share their hearts and new friends who share it all, even the yucky stuff which is still apart of daily life.

God is good. Even in the pain and sorry we are to draw to Him, no matter how painful or uncomfortable. He really is the only One who can complete every need that I have. I have to remind myself that God knows my thoughts, He knows everything about me. He knows the promises that I made to LynnMarie March 16, 2009. He knows what I am afraid of and He knows my passions and my failures. Kind of scary when I think of it like that but am thankful the Creator created me exactly who I am. As disappointed in myself as I am, He still wants to hug me, to know me, to touch me. Thats the comfort I need.

Friday, March 25, 2011


I find myself looking for happy things these days. Its really not that hard to find. Friends getting another child, new jobs, just people full of joy despite circumstances. Its hard sometimes, huh? Finding joy in circumstances. We are told to do it. The Bible is full of amazing stories yet I search for joy on this earth. Its very odd to be worried about things I can not change. It hard to write things that are in my mind that I have yet spoken. But I kind of have to get things out. You can probably figure out why this blog is private.

But here is what I am certain of. God is love. God loves me and KNOWS me. Knows me better than I could ever share with the blog world. That is the most comforting in the world isn't it? I am thankful for His grace and that his mercies are new every morning. I am thankful that we have His word.

I am thankful for wise friends who always tend to give me the greatest encouragement and insight when I am not expecting it. I am thankful for friends who lead by their actions.

I am thankful for authenticity and the journey I am on to get there.

Though you have not seen him, you love him. Though you do not now see him, you believe in him and rejoice with joy that is inexpressible and filled with glory,
1 Peter 1:8

Wednesday, March 23, 2011

these days

Fear. Uneasiness. Whats going on in this world? Are we getting close to the end? Are we going to see Jesus come down to earth? Never ever thought I would type those words but I have certainly been thinking about them.

I have believed in God and his son Jesus for as long as I can remember but how many years have I acted on that belief? I am soooo disappointed with sooo many choices I have made over my life, and although I know I am forgiven, I still feel unworthy. Maybe this is God humbling me, I do not know.

I am sad for a few things. I am sad that there are friends and family who I will not see in Heaven. That makes my heart sick. I am sad that I have not acted in faith as much I should have. I have no idea why not since God has proven Himself sooo many times to me.

I love to love. I love to encourage. It brings me joy that I can't find anywhere else. But have I loved enough? Why am I so afraid to love like Jesus did? Why am I so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone? Why are there still homeless people in Atlanta? Why are still orphans around the world starving because they don't have formula? FORMULA? Are these situations placed on this earth so that we can demonstrate Jesus' love? Because we have seriously failed if thats the case.

Why do people in the church deliberately hurt one another? Please do not think I am singling my church. My church loves me an I have seen it love its members and the community (locally and globally) Every church has drama, I am just wondering why the church which was made to love, causes hurt sometimes? Is this just human nature?

I am excited that friends will get to hear God say "Well done my good and faithful servants". This excites me because I know their passion is deeply woven in their spirits.

What have I got to show? Now, I am only blogging this because its still a private blog. I do not want any of you to think why is Amy down in the dumps? I am not. I have been pondering these things for years. God has done some amazing things in my life. He has certainly shown himself to me over and over. I am just wondering why I am waffling. Satan sucks. I don't like doubt, especially when my faith has been so secure all of my life.

SO mind you, my mind is running fast. If my legs ran as fast as my mind, I seriously would not have a weight problem.

(im sure there will be more tomorrow)

Sunday, March 13, 2011

the earth

What a scary time on this earth. Am I the only one who wonders if God is ready to come take His children home. This has really really been on my mind. Then I think of the millions who live in poverty, the thousands of homeless just in the United States and then I think of statistics. I read somewhere today that if each church in the Dallas, Tx surrounding area took one homeless person in to help get off the street, that would eliminate the homeless population in that city.

I keep wondering why most of us don't help more, that we stay in our little bubble because its sooo comfortable. I have donated money but I want to do more. I want LynnMarie to see us do more so next week LynnMarie and I are going to donate time to MUST ministries and just love on some people. I am a bit nervous but frankly we are called to love our neighbors and most of aren't doing squat...I am a little frustrated with myself if you have not figured that out...
Ugh...more to come later