Creepy Fear

Praying that fear leaves me alone. Its not from God, and I just don't like the feeling at all. Since last September, when yucky things started to happen to my amazing mom, I automatically thought the worse and I did not like it one bit. Mom got very sick last year and God and I had lots and lots of talks. Good talks, scary talks, but talks that I needed to have. Such a sweet time, one that I will remember but goodness, I know that I shouldn't fear the way I do. When I was 14, I chose my life verse and it was

2 Timothy 1:7

⁷ For God has not given us a spirit of fear, but of power and of love and of a sound mind.

Yet I still feared.BIG TIME. One of my weaknesses is that its very hard to share the hard stuff with people. I hate that. So I didn't let people know that fear was causing my anxiety to control all of my life which stole my joy.

So,that stinky fear is creeping in again and its affecting a lot of my life as well. So, just to clue you in, if I am short with you, acting funny, its not because I am crazy, I am beginning to feel fear again but claiming it goes away and peace fills our family. So if you could please please pray for this, I would greatly appreciate it. Too much going on right now and apparently I cant control everything anymore. HAHA. I apparently have issues.

So, I am back to blogging hoping it will help like before. I feel like if I fill my heart with fear. I am going to miss all the big things my God has in store and I surely do not want to miss that.  

That's it. My undiagnosed ADD is kicking in and I am working on 3 books that I need to go work on. Thankful for my new Bible Study this year as I am surrounded by amazing women that I have known for a decade and getting to study Mark with them. WooHOO!!

Amy C

Fear

Where to even start! I am the worst blogger ever but hoping to get some things out this way. I am scared. Like the real uncomfortable fear. Now, I know better than this. I have faith. God has indeed proven Himself time and time again. I am feeling positive on the outside and negative on the inside. This has been one heck of a crazy Spring, with lots of surprises thrown at me. I am not big on change or not so good surprises.

I didn't think I had control issues until recently. I don't think its on purpose, but I get intense anxiety when things do not go my way. Because I am more comfortable with things planned. Well, this season has not been one with many planned things on my agenda. Between last Fall and now, 2 of my very very close loved ones have experienced intense medical issues. My mom was critically ill last Sept and honestly, I assumed it was the end. I drove from Atlanta to Central Fl at 11pm with LynnMarie and it was so quiet. Lots of time to think. This is not always  a good thing. Rough few hours. My brain went through every emotion possible.  Now, we are facing a BIG surgery for my Michael with many weeks of recovery afterwards. So where do I go from here?
I have come realize I need to change my perspective on things. I have  many friends who are experiencing seriously unwelcome life events and doing it with JOY and gracefulness. Oh how I wish I could do that, but I do know this God is good ALL the time. I truly can handle anything even if I don't think I can. We do not have plans for Michael at this time, but he was ok'd to take our vacation the end of May. I am thankful he will get to experience family, rest and relaxation. This is a huge blessing.

So stay with me, here is a random thought that you may or may not understand. Wednesday, Michael had a procedure at Northside Hospital (AKA the baby factory). Great, big hospital and we had to be there at 630am. From the moment we got near the hospital, we saw signs that said Womens Center, Labor and Delivery, Parking for Labor and Delivery, Baby Care, pick up, etc. Now for someone who went through infertility for several years, it seemed so awkward and uncomfortable seeing all of this. I would have walked 5 miles around the perimeter of the hospital than through the womens area. We finally find our parking and head in. We see family centered care, high risk women issues, nursery signs. How hard would it have been to have parked and walked in the main entrance? UGH. So we find our location and 3 hours later I am sent to get the car which means passing everything again except in the sunlight and everybody is there. So annoying and I just kept thinking GET ME OUT OF HERE..... and then it hit me
Over 10 years ago, we desired a baby and realized it would be hard. All I wanted to do was to be a mom and nurse. That's all. The idea of not being a mom, scared me. REALLY SCARED me. But guess what? Back then, I should have known God had my back. I could not see the whole picture but He had every step planned. He took this fears and gave us our LynnMarie. As I walked along Northside baby area, I realized he can take the fear I have now and make it  beautiful. He has done it before. So yes there is still fear there, fear for the future, fear for my hubby but I am quickly reminded that God uses fear, being uncomfortable and uses it to chisel us into who He created us to be.

NIght shift thinking

What to write when you don't know what to write. I tend to live in fear. PLease believe, I know thats wrong. Im just waiting for the bad stuff. But I also know that sometimes those "bad" things are what draw me to God and who doesn't want that? That scares me to. The process scare me.I am so comfortable in the life that I have that change scares me. If you can absolutely guarantee it will be a great change, I will think about it but I tend to avoid change at all cost. I sure do hate that. I have missed out on some amazing things because of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7New Life Version (NLV) 7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of a good mind. INteresting enough, I chose that as my life verse way back in youth group and boy has it been in my head lately. I fear struggling. I fear the struggle is going to win all the time. I hate losing control over things. The little control that I do have makes me comfortable in many situations. There are so many things I want to do, but fear the challenge. I hate failing. I hate the feeling that you know you are going to fear. You know tha moment you are waiting for that flu shot? I hate that. Thats the feeling I have so many times. What I dont want is my daughter to follow this. I want her to be excited about new things, to jump at new adventures. So thats where I am at. I have friends going through things that I consider a nightmare, yet they survive with amazing grace and thankfulness. I have friends fighting a hard fight making a difference around the world. Why? Because they are difference makers and are ready BIG challenges!!!! Still wondering why I can't seem to do it. I have told y'all I have many random thoughts going through my head, these are just a few of whats going on now. I just have a feeling things are about to change...

Days of Being Thankful

11. A sweet friend who has encouraged and prayed for me and hundreds if not thousands over the years, and getting ready to FIGHT HARD. Thankful for her friendship, prayers, authenticity, advice and faithfulness.
12. My sweet girls questions about Martin Luther King Jr. Hard questions but love that she wants everyone to love and to love back. Doesn't understand why people would ever treat people with discrimination.
13. Cold Weather- sorry peeps, I love the cold weather.
14. Simple meals like ravioli or baked potato
15. The reminders about the destruction of gossip in my Bible study app this week.
16. A sister who is just awesome. She struggles like a lot of people, but stays joyful and full of love
17. My amazing niece who has started learning to drive.
18. Meeting adoptive families at work!!
19. 20 days free of soda and candy
20. Touch Math- a way LynnMarie has started learning addition and subtracting

2016 thankful list

This list is in no way any type of order but just a reminder to be thankful for the  good, the bad, the big and the little things in life.

1) The basics and this is more than sooo many in the world. I have a job, a home, transportation, money for food and other things. So blessed
2) Children's HealthCare of Atlanta- Not to mention being my employer for the past 14.5 years. they have taken care of LynnMarie and many of her friends. Very blessed to still take care of little people.
3)Reality tv- not a joke. Love shows that don't make me think and a few shows make me want to be a better person.
4) My sweet girls determination. Watcher her try over and
over to climb a rope at a jumpy place. She did not give up. She got off, waited for the next person to go and then  tried again. Such a sweet feeling when she finally got off.
5) My sister- always inspires me with her attitude, focus, motivation and ability to multi-task. Everyone needs a Kelly in their lives
6)God's word- so much stuff in their that is still current. I've loved getting back in
7)Friends who share their suffering- I know it must be uncomfortable, but it such an encouragement to see what God does during that time.
8) Friends who choose to see past sarcasm
9)the ability to love and give- hope to actually do that more this year
10) Our military and police officers- I surely can not fathom choosing to protect our country, our cities, knowing you are risking your life every single day but I am so thankful for these men and women and their families.

What will be in 2016?

Or what will I bring to 2016? Lots of room for improvement so that's a good thing. Desiring to live, love and give better this year and to show patience and unconditional love to many. My  word for the year will be INTENTIONAL. Intentional living, giving, and loving.

Other resolutions or goals or improvement projects
1) NO coke zero or soda- (exception on our cruise in May)
2) Spend more time in the word other than doing homework for my Bible Study
3) Going to quit waiting for others to work on building friendships and start asking my self. I sure have wasted a lot of time keeping people away.
4) Give weekly and monthly. We are going to give to the church, purchase something each week for the MUST ministry emergency list each week and find a place to volunteer together, like a nursing home monthly.
5) Quit using other people as an excuse and just eat better and exercise more.
6) See my family more. Not just my mom and dad and sister, but my extended family as well.

This is where I am starting. Too tired to post everything I want to and it wouldn't make sense anyway. I wish everyone a wonderful New Year and get those goals going.

Back to blogging

Oh have I missed blogging, finally had our laptop fixed a year later!!! I love blogging for so many reasons. The biggest reason is that most of the time, the words in my heart and brain do not match what comes out of my mouth. I hate that. Most people do not really know me ( or at least I do not think they do) and I really hate that. And honestly I don't give people the opportunity.

 

2015 has been a stable year except for a few things. My sweet girl is doing well at school, although we have our struggles. The biggest event for me was almost losing my mom. Driving from Atlanta to New Smyrna in the middle of the night all alone gives you the time to have some scary thoughts. Walking in and seeing your mom intubated was the hardest thing I have seen or had to deal with. My mom, I couldn't do anything for her but pray so that is what we did. More on that later. Thankfully my mom is home and making us laugh again.

 

I am glad to see 2015 go. I am joyful and have been blessed beyond measure but so many regrets occurred this year. I didn't trust enough. I didn't give enough. I didn't teach enough and I didn't love enough. No one can make excuses for me, its just sad. I have to obey more. Little eyes are watching me and not only see what I am doing, I'm learning she can sense my heart as well. Tired of caring too much about what people think of me. Not living the way I should be. I know I could be living better so that's part of next year. God gave me this life so that I could live it to the fullest and I want to be sincere. So lots to work on this year....

China 2009

2009 this was taken just a few days before Michael and I became parents. What a trip of lifetime. The wait to become parents was needed!!! We were blessed with an amazing travel group and that helped us tremendously!

Ready to blog again

Facebook is not the place to share everything I need to share. Checking to see if this blog still works!

Thankful list

I am thankful for

128. Easter is more than bunnies, baskets and eggs.
129. The process of adoption continues to change me
130. Not being normal is now becoming normal
131. Friends who intentionally take the road that is obviously more difficult and walk it with strength, bravery and faith.
132. A change in my work environment which is changing my passion a little bit
133. Giggles and silliness from a sweet, 6 year old
134. The ability to hear Let it Go in 3 different languages
135. A husband who has limited function in one arm and still makes yummy meals
136. A husband who is having surgery to work on that arm function next week
137. Netflix
138. Friends who love who are honest with you even when you know its hard for them to be that honest
139. Summer is coming!
140. Successful IEP meeting
141. No matter how bad my day goes, I can always find something to look forward to
142. Summer is coming which leads to fall which leads to Christmas
 

and yet another 39 things about me

1. I could live at Disney if I could. Not really, but planning a trip is as much fun as actually going
2. I may have the silliest child in the world.
3. Before I met my husband, I did not listen to Buffet or musicals. Since being married, I have learned to loved both
4, As much as I loved pediatrics, I really miss working with the elderly They were quite entertaining and had the best stories.
5. It took my longer than most to become a nurse, but thankful for the journey that got me there
6. I could shop for Christmas decorations year round.
7. Our adoption story started many years ago on an excursion on a Disney Cruise. God works anywhere!
8. I care way to much about what people think..Its very sad!
9.I prefer cold weather over hot weather any day but I do love a Caribbean Cruise
10.  I picked October as our wedding month so we could always have a fall anniversary trip!
11. I have so many dreams and  no clue how to achieve them
12.I never drank unsweetened tea until I get married and now believe that Cracker Barrel has the best in the world
13. I want to have an Anne of Green Gables marathon
14. I remember my parents watching Dallas every Friday night..I guess it was their Downton Abbey.
15. My dad traveled a lot when we were younger and always brought us a prize home.
16. I did not go to my senior prom and I still do not regret it.
17.It took my a long time to realize that being a Christian was more than just following a book of rules
18. I hated communion Sundays in church only because I knew I would spill the grape juice..Thankful for the walk up kind now.
29. I have never had a beer. I have never said I haven't had alcohol, just not a beer
30. I share more things with people on fb then in real life.
31. I wish I had a British accent
32.I would have enjoyed living on Little House on the Prairie
33.When I was 19 I discovered EBAY and bought A LOT OF Christmas stuff. Got boxes daily. I paid 10 dollars for a beautiful Christmas plantar. I opened it and saw a .99 price tag on it.Poor me!
34. In nursing school I had a patients toe fall off in my hand. Yes, read it again.
35.I did not go to my first funeral  until I became a pediatric nurse
36. I cheated for the first time in  First grade. I had to do a book report and pretty much just rewrote the story and turned it in.
37.I judge way too much, yet I hate to be judged.
38.I used to go to Jim and Tammy Fays PTL club a lot as a child and see the Christmas lights with my grandparents.
39. I cried the entire movie of Radio.

39 things about Amy you may not know

39 things that you may or may not know about me....

1. Born in Gainesville, Fl
2. Have lived in FL, Ga, Tn, Ms, Va, S.C
3. If I had to pick anywhere to spend a week in the continental U.S it would be Williamsburg, Va
4. I love to cruise...
5. Met my hubby online, and married him a year later.
6. My husband and I have the same birthday
7. I have 2 cats even though I think I am a dog person.I have had several cocker spaniels
8. May as well get this out of the way. I have a list of words that I just do not care for. This is not for attention and I will not mention any of them, words that make me squirm (surprisingly this is not one of those words).
9. I saw 8 Seconds at the movie theatre 8 times. I had a thing for Luke Perry
10. On that note, I had a thing for 90210 and still think Brenda and Dylan should be together
11. This should be number one but I love love love God and am blessed as to what he has shown me through out the years. He whispers and shouts and does what He needs to do to get my attention.
12. On that note, I have heard God calling me to serve in Africa. For those who are thinking WHAT? Yep, I put it out there for the world to see. Fear is holding me back and I hate that.
13. I went on my first mission trip in 9th grade to Quito Ecuador and it was amazing.
14. I have a daughter from China. Yes for those of you are asking, she is adopted. I have had that question. She is amazing and how she came to us was better than I could have ever imagined.
15. I am a pediatric nurse and have been for over 12 years. I have worked on a Craniofacial/Neuro floor and love it. 
16. I have 1 younger sister and brother who helped me become who I am today. I mean that as a good thing. I promise.
17.  I eat ketchup in my macaroni and cheese because as a child my favorite meal was fish sticks, peas and macaroni and cheese  and well, I used to get ketchup  in my macaroni
18. I babysat A LOT as a teenager.
19. I loved boy bands STILL.
20. I have never seen a Harry Potter, Twilight or Hunger Games nor have I read the books.
21. I am not good at IV's
22. I would love to see NYC at Christmas time
23. My husband introduced me to Jimmy Buffet, and musicals.
24. I have seen Wicked twice and want to see it again!
25. Some of my favorite authors are Debbie Macomber, Karen Kingsbury, Sophia Kinsella, Francis Chan and Max Lucado.
26. I remember playing a game called Super Racko when I was a kid
27. My first car was a Chevrolet Caprice and I would drive it from college in Tn or home in Fl listening to a lot of CHRISTMAS music.
28. On that note, I love the holiday and wish the season could start mid November. There is never enough time for all of my Christmas music and movies..Drives me crazy
29. I think that Phoebe and I from Friends would get along amazingly
30. Creating memories is fun but can be kind of stressful. I try to think about that any family event.
31. If given the chance I would work with Dr. Derrik Shephard
32. I cry at Hallmark movies and commercials. A lot. Really. 
33. I like to plan things. Dream things. I do this a lot. This requires a lot of internet searches. 
34. I love road trips.
35. Before college, I have vacationed to New England, Las Vegas, London,Washington State and few other places.
36. I have amazing parents !! They have given my so many memories that have impacted who I am today. Love them so much and wish I could give them half of what they have given me
37. I took my driving test more than once.. That's all I am saying,
38. My college roomie and I got in my Mazda Protege and started my car. All of sudden we heard music we were not used to and realized my keys started the wrong car.
39. That same roomie and I went for a long walk one day at a park. We sort of stole a sign and took off running..Loved those moments.


Ok so my 39 things are not that interesting, but they are mine..HAHA

Being Thankful

115. Being alive for 39 years
116. A big change at work coming and the fact that I am not freaked out about it
117. Watching friends step out in faith and watching the blessings fall upon them
118. Sharing a birthday with my sweet hubby
119. Watching my daughter blossom over the past month
120. People who love my girl and are always so encouraging
121. Friends who are buying girl scout cookies even when they are not cookie eaters, yall rock!
122. Facebook- its a hit or miss but thankful for connecting to really old friends
123. College memories- enough said
124. People who really want to get to know you and don't give up on you
125. Employment
126. Basic needs are met- Food,clothing and shelter
127. Forgiveness
 

Hello 2014

I fail at New Years resolutions or goals so this year  I am just going to focus on a lot of things I need to be better at.

Here in no particular order are what I need to be better at


1)More time in the Bible and prayer- This is a must. Need to quit whining to the human race and start working on getting my heart right. Simple as that.
2) Spend less time on facebook. Social media is driving my crazy. I love love love keeping in touch with my friends and family but thats about it. As someone who has serious jealous issues, facebook is no help. Everyime I get on there, I feel like I all I see is  "look what I got" or "my kid is so awesome that.." or etc. Anyway, I am aware that most people are not like that and its just the way I perceive it, but perhaps I can get rid of some of this yuckiness.
3)Go out of my way to be a better friend. Yall, friendships are hard and require some work. Really they do. I need to quit whining and start serving, helping and sharing. Keeping too much closed up is no good for friendships
4 These are my big goals of the year. I should have used an outline as their lots that go under each heading..HAHA! If you know me, I like to make lists!! THanks for reading friends

Thankful list

102. Church 15 year Birthday celebration- time to connect with old and new friends and a reminder that we are a BIG family with lots of stories
103. Learning site words with my sweet girl- we are both learning something here
104. Weekly fellowship with some sweet ladies doing a study that is taking me way out of my comfort zone
105. LynnMarie got on yellow at school. NO I am not thankful for that, but she was sharing her snow cone so I am thankful she is remembering to share
106. 3 weeks until we celebrate 12 years of marriage
107. My patients and families- I am sometimes too quick to judge and I need to remember to learn from them and I am thankful for that
108. My dad is now retired- the hardest working man I know. I now pray he learns to relax and slow down
109. ABC Familiy- now has an app so I can watch Christmas movies as soon as the season is here!
110. Hints of fall- I have seen a leave here or there turning colors and enjoying the aromas of apples and cinnamon at the grocery
112. Service Men and Women- They do not get the recognition they deserve. Thankful they have the desire to serve and protect us.
113. Forgiveness
114. Thankful for the fact that I deep cleaned two rooms of the house- plenty to go, but at least I started them,,

Thankful

91. Bible Study- Started a new study that is taking me out of my comfort zone but I know and trust this is needed. Thankful I had the guts to sign up and go to the first week,
92. My dad semi-retired. He is the hardest working man I know. I am thankful for him and he deserves his own post.
93. My daughter has stayed on green all week.
94. Coworkers who let me vent and are not only coworkers, but great friends as well
95. Fall is coming which means Christmas is around the corner
96. Change in attitudes from someone who is very close to me. Its been awesome.
97. The Welcome Home theme at our church I remember growing up in church and the amazing people around me. I am hoping sweet LynnMarie has the same feelings
98. My mom had a great doctors report today..Yahoo
99.  I am going home for Thanksgiving which means lots of memory making
100. The fact that my parents gave me a brother of sister.. true awesomeness. I wish I saw both of them awesome
101. Orphan awareness- thankful to friends over the years who have made adoption much more than growing their family..

3 things that bother me to the core and Bible Study decisions

Now I know that I think differently than most. The majority of people I know would agree over this.  I stress over things that many do not. But there are 3 things that when I dwell, take me to a place that its hard to get out of. Not depression, but I sit on these things and either A) do something about it or B) let it control all of my thinking of the day

Things that bother me more than most anything:
1) Finding out people do not like me...Yes its true and I am aware that no one is perfect and not everyone is liked by everyone. But when I find out why individuals do not like me, it kills me. I let it affect my day, week, etc. I even try to change those things so they will like me. I am working on this, I think. I hate that I compare myself to people in the church, no matter what church I am attending
2) Disappointing people- not matter what it is. When I was child and I had an amazing parents, I hated for them to be upset with me.It still happens. I question everyone. Some people think I am a bit paranoid over stuff like this.  I am a bit sarcastic so if I think I have offended someone, I will question and apologize for it over and over. I guess you could call me a people-pleaser. Its one of my weaknesses and I am aware of it. I hate that I do it. I wish I did not care so much. 
3) Realizing that being a Christian means getting off your butt and doing something for God, doing something for the least of these. My problem is dwelling on the fact that I am not doing this. It is commanded of me and I am not doing it. LAZINESS sucks! Just saying. I hate this, more than anything. I am not being who I was created to be and I desire for this. When I dwell on this, I get down. I think its God convicting me of what His word says. Tired of making excuses. The goods news is that I am surrounded by people who are living the life that I desire and that is so encouraging to me.

More randomness.. But this is just being honest. I have done Bible Study at my church for 6 years now. Love it. Love all the people I have met. No complaints, its just been amazing. So now I have 4 days to decide which study to do. This has never been an issue. I have had a few ladies in all of my classes and now it seems like I am going to be breaking out and doing something myself, which scares me to death. Not a big fan of getting to know new people (see the people pleaser part). It takes me a long time to open up and share things. But then there is the petty part of me that has been waiting years to do to Bible Study with some ladies I admire and have known a long time but have wanted to do a study with. I think I have totally missed the big picture. Bible Study is an opportunity to dig deeper in my relationship with God. This season, I have been concentrating on the wrong stuff! What the heck? SO now, I am struggling with doing a study that my mom did 20 years ago and I think would be great for me or a study that would cause to go to places that scare me and would force me share and get over some of my issues. So if you are reading this, pray that I find peace about this. I know this may be a silly prayer to some of you but its really stressing me out..

Thankful list 80-90

80. A new school with new opportunities for our sweet girl 
81. Friends who checked on this momma while her girl went to kindergarten for the first time 
82. The ability not to hover and let her attempt the bus like a big girl 
83. Good finds on garage sale sites so LynnMarie can finally have a princess room 
84. A friend who had a end of treatment celebration 
85. tax free weekend 
86. A call off from work so LynnMarie would not miss her Sneak a Peak and mom could go with her 87. Friends who are getting so close to adding to their family through adoption 
88. Swim time this week and watching our sweet girl learn to swim
89. the anticipation of Fall Bible Study 
90. The Bible- so much is in there and its still relevant. I think that's just cool

 70. Beautiful people who are not afraid to share their imperfections
 71. Rain- I know we have a lot of it  but its needed and gives us time to spend together inside
 72. The fact that I am ready to embrace change instead of running from it and I am actually looking forward  to it
 73. Family vacations- 7 days on a big boat with aunts, uncles and cousins helped make some great memories
 74. Holding a baby monkey
 75. Bags of art supplies to keep us busy on rainy days
 76. New families coming together because of adoption
 77. A husband who takes care of dinner many nights
 78. Disney Channel movies
 79. Fall is not far away

New goals

So we have all decided I have issues. I focus on things that really should not bother me nearly as much as they do. I vent about all the changes that I want in my life, instead of making those changes. So, I am getting ready to stop all of that.

I can not get certain scriptures out of my head these days. Words that make me cry because I have missed so many opportunities and words that make me smile because I can do something.

James 2:14-18

Faith and Deeds

¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

I am sad because I have prayed and feel sorry for those who are hungry, cold and are suffering. I know I am not alone. Why are we not doing more? I am not talking about texting to the Red Cross 10 dollars or even sponsoring a child over seas, which are both wonderful things. That money goes to help, but who is doing the helping? Who is being the hands and feet. I have talked about this before. A LOT. I want my daughter to know that helping is not an option. It is simply obeying. Last summer I wanted to do a lot of helping and I got lazy. Its much more comfortable to sit in front of the TV, catching up on TV shows and ignoring all the pain and yuckyness out there in the world. 

I do not want to live like that anymore. I am lucky to have many friends who are already living this way and are most excellent role models. Thankful to witness how they are living.

So getting back to that scripture, why don't we get out and help more? I am so sad, truly sad that many Christians  ( I am speaking of myself) worship on Sunday, and then Mon-Sat just live our lives. Sure we pray, go to Bible Study and hang out with our friends. But I am not being the church outside of the building. Do we go out of our way to help our neighbors?   Yuck. 38 years of that is way  too long.. 

Well, there goes my undiagnosed ADD. The title was new goals.  Yes I have two of them. One is top secret for a while and the other has been mentioned before and will keep you updated. Many of you may know it but thats not the point here.  I am ready to get uncomfortable.   Read to love the ones that many people say are unlovable.  BIG CHANGES coming.....