Time for another boring post. Its the end of 2o1o which means looking back at the past year and looking forward to the new one. This doesn't help when I've been thinking a lot about a lot. Its hard when you have sooo many questions and you don't when or where to find the answers.
Here is what I know. I am married to a wonderful man and have a precious sweet pea named LynnMarie. Unfortunately, they have both been sick this week. Yuck. Still, we have had lots of smiles.
So 2011 is coming and I have no idea whats going to happen. So I am going forward in making some new life goals, not new years goals.
Been thinking mental, physical and spiritual changes. I cant come up with another word for spiritual, because I am not a big fan of that word. My goal here is to get back in the word for real, and live and obey it. Really get honest with what I am commanded to do. I dont want to take the parts I life, but to live it all out. We will see. Its going to be harder than I thought and I know I have to figure out how to stay focused.
Physical- I do not have a choice but to lose weight so in general I need to make better choices in what I eat and when I exercise. Simple words, but now I have to put in action.
Be a better wife, mother, friend, sister, daughter. Simple, I need to make choices that put others before me. Better choices, If I have a hard time, I go back to the cliche, What would Jesus do?
Mentally- I am seriously wondering how mentally insane I am. I am not joking. I have come to the realization that I do not think like most people. Does this make me different? Uhm yes. Does this make me a bit paranoid? Yes...ugh. I will always live this way. God created me this way for a reason, just gotta figure out how I can use my being different for a greater cause..
What about you? Any goals?
Friday, December 31, 2010
Saturday, December 11, 2010
Craziness
Its an odd holiday for the Christopher's, one that I would not change.
3 years ago I wondered when we would be a family of 3 at Christmas
2 years ago she was in my heart at Christmas
1 year ago, we saw lights in her eyes at the mystery of the holiday
This year,we see her sweet and tender heart exploring the holiday, questioning things and just loving life.
This year, the Christopher's are sort of forced to have a trimmed down Christmas. Time, finances and put us in a place where I can't go crazy like I usually do. Wow, I love it. Oh we have decorations, gifts a tree. But we also have cuddles, books, music and family time. It feels good.
I have been mentally overwhelmed but different areas of my life. Nothing bad, all has worked out but even church had me stressed for a bit. Im still not sure why I had to dwell on everything but now I am in a good place. I had to learn that sometimes change and pruning is good. We may not see it immediately but we need to have faith that God's plan will work out the way He intended.
The Christopher's will be okay. I have a family that is full of love, silliness, fun and all kinds of stuff. I have friends and family that truly love me. That's such a comfortable feeling.
Although this blog is private, there is still stuff I am hesitant to post. Maybe one day, but not now.
This Christmas I think of the families who are still waiting for there kids to come home. I pray for those in the hospital who know its their last Christmas with their family.
Anyway, God is obviously doing some cool things behind the scenes. Things I cant see quite yet. TO me thats both exciting and scary but I guess I will focus on the exciting part
3 years ago I wondered when we would be a family of 3 at Christmas
2 years ago she was in my heart at Christmas
1 year ago, we saw lights in her eyes at the mystery of the holiday
This year,we see her sweet and tender heart exploring the holiday, questioning things and just loving life.
This year, the Christopher's are sort of forced to have a trimmed down Christmas. Time, finances and put us in a place where I can't go crazy like I usually do. Wow, I love it. Oh we have decorations, gifts a tree. But we also have cuddles, books, music and family time. It feels good.
I have been mentally overwhelmed but different areas of my life. Nothing bad, all has worked out but even church had me stressed for a bit. Im still not sure why I had to dwell on everything but now I am in a good place. I had to learn that sometimes change and pruning is good. We may not see it immediately but we need to have faith that God's plan will work out the way He intended.
The Christopher's will be okay. I have a family that is full of love, silliness, fun and all kinds of stuff. I have friends and family that truly love me. That's such a comfortable feeling.
Although this blog is private, there is still stuff I am hesitant to post. Maybe one day, but not now.
This Christmas I think of the families who are still waiting for there kids to come home. I pray for those in the hospital who know its their last Christmas with their family.
Anyway, God is obviously doing some cool things behind the scenes. Things I cant see quite yet. TO me thats both exciting and scary but I guess I will focus on the exciting part
Monday, November 1, 2010
empathy
So what do you do when you keep putting yourself in someone else's shoes and all it does make you feel sad? I wish I could help everyone. I pass homeless people and I cant help but wonder what made that person homeless, does that person have a family and what does that person really need besides prayer?
I have a family who has decided to send their child on hospice, meaning they are getting ready to say goodbye to their precious child who has battled so hard against a stinky brain tumor. What goes on at home? Do they cry? Are they as joyful as their blog posts are? I just don't understand.
I wonder what Jesus did. I mean, I know what He did. I have read the stories. But to watch people suffer made him suffer. I wonder how Gods heart breaks when we dont help others or when we are selfish or when we make poor decisions. These are some of the random thoughts that go through my head.
We are blessed. We are blessed with so many things and so many dont have anything. I wonder what its like for a sweet baby to go to bed hungry or a baby not to know the love of a mom and dad. I hate wondering. I think its good to wonder because it help my heart grow a bit and I love to see things in a new perspective. This post has no end as my thoughts just keep going and going in such a random way!!
Does anyone else seem to do this as well? Just wonder what you would do/think/say in a variety of situations?
I have a family who has decided to send their child on hospice, meaning they are getting ready to say goodbye to their precious child who has battled so hard against a stinky brain tumor. What goes on at home? Do they cry? Are they as joyful as their blog posts are? I just don't understand.
I wonder what Jesus did. I mean, I know what He did. I have read the stories. But to watch people suffer made him suffer. I wonder how Gods heart breaks when we dont help others or when we are selfish or when we make poor decisions. These are some of the random thoughts that go through my head.
We are blessed. We are blessed with so many things and so many dont have anything. I wonder what its like for a sweet baby to go to bed hungry or a baby not to know the love of a mom and dad. I hate wondering. I think its good to wonder because it help my heart grow a bit and I love to see things in a new perspective. This post has no end as my thoughts just keep going and going in such a random way!!
Does anyone else seem to do this as well? Just wonder what you would do/think/say in a variety of situations?
Tuesday, October 19, 2010
What if?
Man, I have been doing a lot of What iffing these days? It kind of started Sunday at church where they showed a clip for a trip to Zimbabwe. Ok, I do not want to go on this trip but I want to pray for those that are going to make a difference. So I watched. I cried. Tears down my eyes as I desired to hug, hold and laugh with these kids. I felt a hear pull. I said no God as I always do. I don't think this is the right time for me to go, but what if I had just said yes?
What if almost 2 years ago I didn't ask to see a file for a sweet baby named Lu Chun Ai? What if we had not met that family on the Disney cruise that introduced me to Dan and Susan?
What if we had done the biological baby thing? What if?
I am so tired of not making a difference. Now, I know some of you would say STOP right there but, I want to make more of a difference. I am just having a hard time taking first steps. I want to live with such a JOY that makes God obvious in everything I say and do.
I cant get over our daughter. She is just stinkin awesome. She is a stinker though and I wouldn't change her for anything in the world!
Sometimes I do the "What if I done this?" but now I am starting to do the "What if I dont do this?" I love that opportunities are around me, I love that I get to give. I want to do that more. I want to be selfless, I do not want to desire material things, yet I do. Ugh!!!!!
Do you ever WHAT IF?
What if almost 2 years ago I didn't ask to see a file for a sweet baby named Lu Chun Ai? What if we had not met that family on the Disney cruise that introduced me to Dan and Susan?
What if we had done the biological baby thing? What if?
I am so tired of not making a difference. Now, I know some of you would say STOP right there but, I want to make more of a difference. I am just having a hard time taking first steps. I want to live with such a JOY that makes God obvious in everything I say and do.
I cant get over our daughter. She is just stinkin awesome. She is a stinker though and I wouldn't change her for anything in the world!
Sometimes I do the "What if I done this?" but now I am starting to do the "What if I dont do this?" I love that opportunities are around me, I love that I get to give. I want to do that more. I want to be selfless, I do not want to desire material things, yet I do. Ugh!!!!!
Do you ever WHAT IF?
Saturday, October 16, 2010
Fall
I love love love this season, its the season before Christmas which really makes me happy but this season has so much going on. So many reminders that we have so much to be thankful for. The weather, the colors, the activities. So much for a toddler to enjoy and its so neat to see things through her itty bitty eyes.
No profound words here but am thankful for the sweet comments on my last post. Thankful for the friends who have stepped out of the boat and walking in faith once again! It does my heart good to see little ones coming home!
Im in a strange place right now. Ya know the place where you HAVE to make some changes, you know how to make those changes and you actually want to make those changes but dang you just don't want to take that first step. But you know if you can do it it will make positive results. This is a pretty private list so I will share. I HAVE to lose weight. SOON. NOW. It is no longer an option. I have know for years that or bodies are temples and part of Gods creation and we need to take care of it but why does it seem easier not to. Whatever. No excuses. Just gotta eat right and exercise. I have to get organized. Surprisingly, I like to do this. No so surprisingly, I am not that good at it. I have tried the Fly Lady, but she she kicked me out! Just kidding.. SO if you can pray for those 2 things, that would be great!
I will keep you posted.
No profound words here but am thankful for the sweet comments on my last post. Thankful for the friends who have stepped out of the boat and walking in faith once again! It does my heart good to see little ones coming home!
Im in a strange place right now. Ya know the place where you HAVE to make some changes, you know how to make those changes and you actually want to make those changes but dang you just don't want to take that first step. But you know if you can do it it will make positive results. This is a pretty private list so I will share. I HAVE to lose weight. SOON. NOW. It is no longer an option. I have know for years that or bodies are temples and part of Gods creation and we need to take care of it but why does it seem easier not to. Whatever. No excuses. Just gotta eat right and exercise. I have to get organized. Surprisingly, I like to do this. No so surprisingly, I am not that good at it. I have tried the Fly Lady, but she she kicked me out! Just kidding.. SO if you can pray for those 2 things, that would be great!
I will keep you posted.
Tuesday, October 5, 2010
Stuck
Sat night was a rare date night at one of my favorite events, a Christian concert. It was MWS, Third Day and Toby Mac! Loved it! Its also a scary time. Confused? I love praise and worship at concerts like this, I love knowing that God is enjoying the praise and I love it when the Holy Spirit is moving. I love leaving places where I am motivated to love more, encourage and sin less. I come home with a spiritual high only to have spiral down a few days later. It always happens. I just don't like that part.
But I was sitting there Sat night, thinking how much safer I would feel if I simply connected myself to my Christian friends and avoided all others. I really was thinking that. I would be more likely to obey Gods commandments and just be happier..Sad, huh? But we are not commanded to do that which is scary!
and now its Oct 5, and we just got home from a family dinner that ended in disaster. I ended up going off in a unGodly way to the manager and having a nice chat with LM about mommys behavior. Totally disappointed in myself. I did not represent Christ tonight at all, which is what we were commanded to do!
Anyone go through stuff like this?
But I was sitting there Sat night, thinking how much safer I would feel if I simply connected myself to my Christian friends and avoided all others. I really was thinking that. I would be more likely to obey Gods commandments and just be happier..Sad, huh? But we are not commanded to do that which is scary!
and now its Oct 5, and we just got home from a family dinner that ended in disaster. I ended up going off in a unGodly way to the manager and having a nice chat with LM about mommys behavior. Totally disappointed in myself. I did not represent Christ tonight at all, which is what we were commanded to do!
Anyone go through stuff like this?
Saturday, September 25, 2010
Problems
So can someone explain to me why in the word I am having such a hard time as soon I start getting back in the word an getting real with God. This is another reason this blog is private..Some things just don't belong on facebook.
I screwed up this week, BIG TIME. Nothing illegal, but yours truly disappointed and hurt someone with my actions. It was not intentional. By trying to protect myself, I hurt someone. I didn't even think about it. I just did it. This coworker said I threw her under the bus by my words. My spirit has been broken and I don't know if she will forgive me. I verbally apologized and gave a written one. Humbled at how she shared her feelings but man, I didn't even think about it while I did it. Why? Why in the heck did I do this? Trying to be cool in front of someone that I don't even care about? Not that I don't care, this just wasn't a friend? I tried to solve a problem that I didn't really have to.
I really ruined any trust this person has with me. Oh I have prayed about it, prayed for peace, publically apologized but its going to be a long time before our relationship is anywhere where it was.
Thankful for a God who forgives.
I am rereading Crazy Love again and here is one thing I read
Worry implies that we dont quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our importance, our lack of grace toward others, or our grip of control.
Right now, I am letting my problems consume instead of my God consuming me. I have to get back on track!! Any input would be greatly appreciated. I truly hate hurting people especially when I have no idea how badly I have hurt them or how mad they have gotten!
UGH!
I screwed up this week, BIG TIME. Nothing illegal, but yours truly disappointed and hurt someone with my actions. It was not intentional. By trying to protect myself, I hurt someone. I didn't even think about it. I just did it. This coworker said I threw her under the bus by my words. My spirit has been broken and I don't know if she will forgive me. I verbally apologized and gave a written one. Humbled at how she shared her feelings but man, I didn't even think about it while I did it. Why? Why in the heck did I do this? Trying to be cool in front of someone that I don't even care about? Not that I don't care, this just wasn't a friend? I tried to solve a problem that I didn't really have to.
I really ruined any trust this person has with me. Oh I have prayed about it, prayed for peace, publically apologized but its going to be a long time before our relationship is anywhere where it was.
Thankful for a God who forgives.
I am rereading Crazy Love again and here is one thing I read
Worry implies that we dont quite trust God is big enough, powerful enough or loving enough to take care of whats happening in our lives.
Stress says that the things we are involved in are important enough to merit our importance, our lack of grace toward others, or our grip of control.
Right now, I am letting my problems consume instead of my God consuming me. I have to get back on track!! Any input would be greatly appreciated. I truly hate hurting people especially when I have no idea how badly I have hurt them or how mad they have gotten!
UGH!
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