Its 2 days before Christmas and my heart is all mixed up with emotions. I do not know where to start. Work has been busy, its been the week that everyone has talked about the Mayans and I still do feel like I am living the life God created me to be simply because I am so stinking lazy. I am stuck at work, waiting for more energy and I am lacking a lot in the interpersonal relationship department. All of these things I plan on working on.
I was able to worship today for the second week in a row. Loved it, needed it and got more out of it than I expected. I sat behind two sweet little girls and some good friends. I never want to hear anyone doubt that a 4yo can worship because they one I saw had me in tears. No drama but her sweet hands were raised during one of the songs. She wasn't copying anyone, and she did not know all the words but you can tell she was singing to her Heavenly Father. I love it when God uses a little child to put things into perspective. My daughter has had me in tears all week. I would love to blame it on sleep deprivation or hormones but I think God is continuously whispering to me. I look at my daughter and thing of the families in Newtown, Ct. I wonder how they families felt when they dropped their kids off at school and had no idea they would never see them again. My heart aches for all of them. Those 20 children have impacted a nation. I love reading scripture about how God loved the little children. I think about the sweet little girls I watched today, and I sat and cuddlebugged my daughter this evening. Then I think about the doctors appointment LynnMarie and I had today for a few hours. I was asked to share what I know about her infancy. People, I cried the WHOLE time. I shared what I know and she was amazed and teared up as well. Not tears of sadness, but happy tears that I have gotten to see God work in LynnMarie's sweet life all around the world. I am amazed that we get to experience her story.
So, let me admit something. Please do not judge. I do not think the Mayans had anything one is. I do believe scripture when it says no man knows when He is coming back. But for a moment, I was a bit nervous. Not because the world was going to end, but because I have not lived the life I was created for. Many Christian friends have made joke after joke about the Mayans, and I find very few of them funny. And although I do not believe in that whole theory, I have been thinking about how I live my life. What words I use, what actions and I do and what kind of witness I am. I am thankful for these feelings but scared to death because I have no idea where to start.
I have got to watch my sense of humor. I need to have substance in my conversations. I need to quit waiting for people to invite me to things and start doing the inviting and I need to quit worry about what others think of me.Yep, I know you have all heard these before but I am hoping if I type the words then I will prompt myself to change. I was told by someone the other day that I need to loosen up and soften my heart. Well, that sure got me all paranoid. Apparently I give off that vibe to some people...oops, I had no idea.
So, I am going to try to find 24 hours of nothing but me and God soon. I need some quiet time and I need to listen. Because I think each one of us has the ability to make such an impact on this world. Its not the impact I am interested in, its living the life so that all someone sees is Christ through me. I have many people I look up to who are living this life and I am hoping to spend some quality time with these people soon.
So, this Christmas as we celebrate the birth of that tiny little baby, I am going to remember what an impact that baby had on my life.
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Sunday, December 23, 2012
Friday, November 23, 2012
Life lessons from Walmart
Today, my sweet girl and I got up early but not too early to hit some stores. No big crowds and we did find a few things but I have to tell you, this year, the desire to buy and have is just not there. I wonder how many people actually wait hours and hours to get the item they want? Not that I am judging, I am just wondering. Anyway, we did Michaels, Family Christian, Target and then Walmart. We assumed Walmart would be crazy at 930 but it was not and we even got a front row space.
So, as we walk in, I see a sweet lady looking around and noticed she looked uncomfortable. I have a big mouth so I said, You are brave wearing those high heels. She then told me she was trying to find her ride, as she and a few others were going to a coworkers funeral. Someone they had worked with for years and will be greatly missed. She was obviously sad, had things on her mind and I asked her if I could help. She politely said no thank you and said her ride was on her way. As we left, she was the first person to wish us a Merry Christmas this season.
So as we shopped, dreamed and giggled, we passed a lot of advertised deals. I saw a lady looking a freestanding display of large tv's. I recognized that one because I had searched and searched last night for a new tv. I saw it a bit cheaper so I thought I would let her know. I asked her if she was thinking about that one, and she said no and scurried over to the other side of the aisle. The lady had a limp and as far as I kind tell, had cerebral palsy, and was nervous. She then muttered thank you to us and kept walking. My sweet LM who is learning to be respectful of others difference asked where the kind lady was going. I explained the lady was going to keep shopping like us. But my daughter heard her kind voice and not her physical differences.
On our way home from Walmart, we stopped at a 4 way stop and saw a homeless man sitting on the corner with a sign. So here I am, gifts in the back, money in my hand and a man in need to my right. We rolled down the window and gave the man the money we had. He came over and thanked us. This man was obviously physically not able to move quickly and we told him to take his time, but as I handed him the money we got honked at by the car behind us. He pulled around and yelled something but I have no idea what it was. I just know that there was a man in need and I had cash in my hand and it was obvious what I needed to do. I have no idea what the man will do with his money, but that's not my concern. I have to continue to remember that we have to care, we have to go out of our comfort zone to help others.
Anyway, it was not our ordinary trip to Walmart. But I learned of 3 new people, with 3 different stories. We have got to get out of the little box we live in. I have so much to learn!~
So, as we walk in, I see a sweet lady looking around and noticed she looked uncomfortable. I have a big mouth so I said, You are brave wearing those high heels. She then told me she was trying to find her ride, as she and a few others were going to a coworkers funeral. Someone they had worked with for years and will be greatly missed. She was obviously sad, had things on her mind and I asked her if I could help. She politely said no thank you and said her ride was on her way. As we left, she was the first person to wish us a Merry Christmas this season.
So as we shopped, dreamed and giggled, we passed a lot of advertised deals. I saw a lady looking a freestanding display of large tv's. I recognized that one because I had searched and searched last night for a new tv. I saw it a bit cheaper so I thought I would let her know. I asked her if she was thinking about that one, and she said no and scurried over to the other side of the aisle. The lady had a limp and as far as I kind tell, had cerebral palsy, and was nervous. She then muttered thank you to us and kept walking. My sweet LM who is learning to be respectful of others difference asked where the kind lady was going. I explained the lady was going to keep shopping like us. But my daughter heard her kind voice and not her physical differences.
On our way home from Walmart, we stopped at a 4 way stop and saw a homeless man sitting on the corner with a sign. So here I am, gifts in the back, money in my hand and a man in need to my right. We rolled down the window and gave the man the money we had. He came over and thanked us. This man was obviously physically not able to move quickly and we told him to take his time, but as I handed him the money we got honked at by the car behind us. He pulled around and yelled something but I have no idea what it was. I just know that there was a man in need and I had cash in my hand and it was obvious what I needed to do. I have no idea what the man will do with his money, but that's not my concern. I have to continue to remember that we have to care, we have to go out of our comfort zone to help others.
Anyway, it was not our ordinary trip to Walmart. But I learned of 3 new people, with 3 different stories. We have got to get out of the little box we live in. I have so much to learn!~
Friday, November 16, 2012
Blessed
51. clean air
52. clean water
53. the ability to make my house warm or cold. Some do not even have the option
54. the ability to give ( we have the ability, not sure why we do not do it more)
55. the opportunity to continue my education
56. Friends who are not afraid to be honest but can be kind at the same time
57. Hallmark Christmas movies
58. forgiveness from my husband and others
59. Fall candles
60. Friends who live their faith, which motivates me
61. The road that led to adoption
62. infertility- who would ever be thankful for that? Look at what I got instead
62. The sweet words of my little girl and the lessons she is learning
63. Coworkers of almost 11 years who still talk to me- HA!
64. College memories- I had amazing friends and roomies I still communicate with
65. Mistakes- I do not like to make them, but I sure appreciate learning from them
66. Wednesday morning Bible Study- the ability to hear from others and learn from the Word is awesome
67. Encouraging words
68. My sister
69. The changing of seasons
Monday, November 12, 2012
Jealousy
So this week, facebook has caused me issues again. I think that one of my favorite people removed one my posts which made me sad because I did not mean anything by it, just simply said I was jealous that I wish I had more time to spend at home making memories with my girl. Sad she may have taken it the wrong way as I really am jealous of so many things on facebook. What many people think of as sharing their blessings on facebook, I sometimes perceive it as bragging which when I think about it, is really not the case. I wish I did not think like this
It is such a crappy emotion. It robs me of so much joy when I let it take over my life. I have experienced jealousy on so many levels and have only dealt with it in a healthy ways a few times. I have talked about it at times that although I think it will always be a schedule.
Working in a pediatric hospital does not make not getting pregnany any easier, especially when you are surrounded by people who seem to be getting pregnant every other year. Then you get those parents who were not trying to have a baby but they still managed to get pregnant. Let me completely honest, I love celebrating with these people. I do, I love that they share their stories and babies with me but jealousy does not go away just because you are happy. I fought God with his for a long time and missed out on some good quality time with God, sulking about what I did not have. But then we let go and let God work our hearts getting ready for adoption. It was a long, slow, beautiful process but I would not change for the world. I look back now and treasure each step of that process.
I can not imagine my life without adoption. I look back now at those times when jealousy clouded my mind that's what it did, clouded all of my joy. I hate that I wasted all that time.
So now, jealous has crept back in and I am fighting it hard. At one point I deactivated my fb account to avoid even dealing with it. Ok, I warned you about this post. I hide a lot of my jealous but I think those that know me well, know when it flares up and I say things I should not. So if you are one of those, I apologize. I am working on getting my heart checked and trying to love like Jesus. So there it is. One more of my struggles. One that God is working on and has shown me how He can help me overcome my issues. So pray for me,I will share what God does with and through me.
It is such a crappy emotion. It robs me of so much joy when I let it take over my life. I have experienced jealousy on so many levels and have only dealt with it in a healthy ways a few times. I have talked about it at times that although I think it will always be a schedule.
Working in a pediatric hospital does not make not getting pregnany any easier, especially when you are surrounded by people who seem to be getting pregnant every other year. Then you get those parents who were not trying to have a baby but they still managed to get pregnant. Let me completely honest, I love celebrating with these people. I do, I love that they share their stories and babies with me but jealousy does not go away just because you are happy. I fought God with his for a long time and missed out on some good quality time with God, sulking about what I did not have. But then we let go and let God work our hearts getting ready for adoption. It was a long, slow, beautiful process but I would not change for the world. I look back now and treasure each step of that process.
I can not imagine my life without adoption. I look back now at those times when jealousy clouded my mind that's what it did, clouded all of my joy. I hate that I wasted all that time.
So now, jealous has crept back in and I am fighting it hard. At one point I deactivated my fb account to avoid even dealing with it. Ok, I warned you about this post. I hide a lot of my jealous but I think those that know me well, know when it flares up and I say things I should not. So if you are one of those, I apologize. I am working on getting my heart checked and trying to love like Jesus. So there it is. One more of my struggles. One that God is working on and has shown me how He can help me overcome my issues. So pray for me,I will share what God does with and through me.
42. I am thankful for every person who has chosen a career in the military, law enforcement, fighting fighters or anything that risks their lives to protect and serve others. I am not sure why people choose these careers over having what many call a normal life, but I sure am thankful for all of them
42. Coke zero
43. Friends who are not afraid to speak the truth even when its hard to hear
44. Friends who live to serve and look for ways to serve others and include me
45.the ability to adopt
46. My daughter who has a story that changed my life
47. Simple nights where we spend time as a family at home
48. The Christmas season is around the corner
49. the ability to experience God through His word- what a gift
50. Random hugs from friends who still love my oddness
Wednesday, November 7, 2012
the Election, the day after and other normal random things
I am so sad for our country, the world we live in. Not because Pres. Obama was re-elected and yes that disappoints me, but the reactions over the past 24 hours. Sad, because I did not think before I typed words and what I said came across the wrong way. I deleted it but was so worried about it, I thought a friend was calling me out on it ( and I realize he wasn't I just get that worried about what people think about me). So anyway, I love that I have so many friends who speak openly about their faith. I am sad that so many were almost hurtful in sharing their views today. I really did not expect to read all that I did, not did I expect to participate.Just because someone voted differently than you does not mean they share all the views and values of the other candidate. There was a lot of judging going around today. Social networking was a not a safe, happy place.
But as much I am sad with our leadership, I am excited that we can pray and pray hard for our leadership. We can get on our knees and share how we feel with our Creator who knew what this election held way before we were even born and that makes me feel better.
Next topic,
Please tell your kids when they exclude playmates intentionally in front of them, it hurts them and is not kind and it puts this momma in a not so happy place where she does not know what to do with those feelings. I have also learning, being excluded as an adult feels the same way even if you are being paranoid and it may not even be accurate.
Still having issues with comparing myself to others. This time it has to do with mommahood. I'm having such a hard time with the fact that I am really not good at coordinating clothes for little girls. If you are laughing, stop. Yep, I can do jeans and sweaters or outfits that already come together, but that's about it. I see the girls at church and school and they are dolled up to a tee. I am so very jealous. The really cute clothes that come from special places, the hair bows that match the socks!...Ugh I want my girl to experience that. Then I read what I just typed and realize how incredibly shallow I sound. I really do not want her growing up and wondering why her momma did not do better. I sure did not read parenting books about feelings like this.
Last point,
Our Season of giving. We are really focusing on giving this year. Sweet girl has helped me buys shoebox gifts and we have started buying extra when we are at Publix. Next week we are going to buy extra diapers and wipes for a local community and also do some baking and take it to the local fire station. But we are always looking for new ideas. Please let me know if you do things like this as well!
But as much I am sad with our leadership, I am excited that we can pray and pray hard for our leadership. We can get on our knees and share how we feel with our Creator who knew what this election held way before we were even born and that makes me feel better.
Next topic,
Please tell your kids when they exclude playmates intentionally in front of them, it hurts them and is not kind and it puts this momma in a not so happy place where she does not know what to do with those feelings. I have also learning, being excluded as an adult feels the same way even if you are being paranoid and it may not even be accurate.
Still having issues with comparing myself to others. This time it has to do with mommahood. I'm having such a hard time with the fact that I am really not good at coordinating clothes for little girls. If you are laughing, stop. Yep, I can do jeans and sweaters or outfits that already come together, but that's about it. I see the girls at church and school and they are dolled up to a tee. I am so very jealous. The really cute clothes that come from special places, the hair bows that match the socks!...Ugh I want my girl to experience that. Then I read what I just typed and realize how incredibly shallow I sound. I really do not want her growing up and wondering why her momma did not do better. I sure did not read parenting books about feelings like this.
Last point,
Our Season of giving. We are really focusing on giving this year. Sweet girl has helped me buys shoebox gifts and we have started buying extra when we are at Publix. Next week we are going to buy extra diapers and wipes for a local community and also do some baking and take it to the local fire station. But we are always looking for new ideas. Please let me know if you do things like this as well!
Monday, November 5, 2012
Loving today. Nothing special happened, just having a good day. Lots of thoughts running in my mind. Walked around the mall today, did some people watching and listened to the Christmas music playing. I am so excited that it was playing. I am so excited about this season. I am going to be honest, I love the cheesy stuff. Silly movies and such but this season, I am going to try to change things up for the Christopher family. Going to try to give more than receive. I love Christmas and I love gifts but as I get older, its the things around it that makes it so special. My daughter will understand more of the real Christmas story this year, and I can not wait to share the importance of it with her.
We are going to do Operation Christmas Child this year, loading up our 4 boxes tomorrow. We are going to spend some time talking about orphans, helping people and thinking outside of ourselves. I hope that we can donate to Must ministries and plan on buying a little extra each trip to Publix. Do you have any ideas on how I can teach my sweet girl to help others?
My heart aches for those still sleeping in the dark and in the cold. I'm sad to think of the mom who lost her two boys in the storm. So much hurt and sadness out there. I feel sad to be comfortable these days. I do not think that we appreciate the simple things we have, things that sooo many would fight for. I feel so happy these days and yet so guilty. Anyone else understand this? I go back and read my posts to make sure they do not just sound like fluff..
More to come
We are going to do Operation Christmas Child this year, loading up our 4 boxes tomorrow. We are going to spend some time talking about orphans, helping people and thinking outside of ourselves. I hope that we can donate to Must ministries and plan on buying a little extra each trip to Publix. Do you have any ideas on how I can teach my sweet girl to help others?
My heart aches for those still sleeping in the dark and in the cold. I'm sad to think of the mom who lost her two boys in the storm. So much hurt and sadness out there. I feel sad to be comfortable these days. I do not think that we appreciate the simple things we have, things that sooo many would fight for. I feel so happy these days and yet so guilty. Anyone else understand this? I go back and read my posts to make sure they do not just sound like fluff..
More to come
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