Sunday, April 17, 2011

more to this life

The last few month have been very soul searching for me. I am hoping thats a lifetime thing because it sure has had me ask some serious question and God and I have had some cool conversations. I am still afraid of some of those anwers those, if I am being honest.

Between earthquakes, floods, tornadoes and sorrow all around me, I just questioned my existence and what in the heck my purpose is on this planet. I go through this every now and then .I love days that really get me thinking. I love days that show me something in a way i have never seen.

Ok, so this random I am sorry.

One of the things I struggle with is the fact that I have been a Christian for almost 30 years and I don't know my scripture half as well as people who are brand new Christians. I used to find this depressing, now I kind of find it a challenge. I have gone through a Bible study where I have read through the Bible, but each book had a book, I didn't get to study half as much as I want. I mean, I have all of these questions, common sense says I look to God for the answers first. So thanks to my trusty IPOD touch, my favorite part of my day is right before I go to sleep, and I read the Bible online using a chronological program which has taken me through Genesis and for some reason Job. This may be the first time, I have slowed down to read the whole book of Job. Now I remember the story of all the hardships he went through but here is what's been impacting me. His words! He just talks to God without hesitation. I love it. I am desperate for conversation like that. I know God knows my heart, but I want to converse my heart to him. You may not understand that. Heck I don't understand this.

On another note, I love my church. I love those who are leading and serving. I love to hear them pray. I am so jealous of their hearts. I know thats bad. I just find so much encouragement listening to the honest, humble, words of those whose lives reflect their faith.

One of the most beautiful moments I have ever experienced happened today as our new lead pastor was announced. I do not have the time or words to share it here (one day) how what today's service meant to me. I cry at church a lot. Today I cried a lot. It was I have no idea who over half of the people are at the church, and I left feeling like I celebrated with family. Go God!