Thursday, February 25, 2016

NIght shift thinking

What to write when you don't know what to write. I tend to live in fear. PLease believe, I know thats wrong. Im just waiting for the bad stuff. But I also know that sometimes those "bad" things are what draw me to God and who doesn't want that? That scares me to. The process scare me.I am so comfortable in the life that I have that change scares me. If you can absolutely guarantee it will be a great change, I will think about it but I tend to avoid change at all cost. I sure do hate that. I have missed out on some amazing things because of fear. 2 Timothy 1:7New Life Version (NLV) 7 For God did not give us a spirit of fear. He gave us a spirit of power and of love and of a good mind. INteresting enough, I chose that as my life verse way back in youth group and boy has it been in my head lately. I fear struggling. I fear the struggle is going to win all the time. I hate losing control over things. The little control that I do have makes me comfortable in many situations. There are so many things I want to do, but fear the challenge. I hate failing. I hate the feeling that you know you are going to fear. You know tha moment you are waiting for that flu shot? I hate that. Thats the feeling I have so many times. What I dont want is my daughter to follow this. I want her to be excited about new things, to jump at new adventures. So thats where I am at. I have friends going through things that I consider a nightmare, yet they survive with amazing grace and thankfulness. I have friends fighting a hard fight making a difference around the world. Why? Because they are difference makers and are ready BIG challenges!!!! Still wondering why I can't seem to do it. I have told y'all I have many random thoughts going through my head, these are just a few of whats going on now. I just have a feeling things are about to change...

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