What if?

Man, I have been doing a lot of What iffing these days? It kind of started Sunday at church where they showed a clip for a trip to Zimbabwe. Ok, I do not want to go on this trip but I want to pray for those that are going to make a difference. So I watched. I cried. Tears down my eyes as I desired to hug, hold and laugh with these kids. I felt a hear pull. I said no God as I always do. I don't think this is the right time for me to go, but what if I had just said yes?

What if almost 2 years ago I didn't ask to see a file for a sweet baby named Lu Chun Ai? What if we had not met that family on the Disney cruise that introduced me to Dan and Susan?
What if we had done the biological baby thing? What if?

I am so tired of not making a difference. Now, I know some of you would say STOP right there but, I want to make more of a difference. I am just having a hard time taking first steps. I want to live with such a JOY that makes God obvious in everything I say and do.

I cant get over our daughter. She is just stinkin awesome. She is a stinker though and I wouldn't change her for anything in the world!

Sometimes I do the "What if I done this?" but now I am starting to do the "What if I dont do this?" I love that opportunities are around me, I love that I get to give. I want to do that more. I want to be selfless, I do not want to desire material things, yet I do. Ugh!!!!!

Do you ever WHAT IF?

Fall

I love love love this season, its the season before Christmas which really makes me happy but this season has so much going on. So many reminders that we have so much to be thankful for. The weather, the colors, the activities. So much for a toddler to enjoy and its so neat to see things through her itty bitty eyes.

No profound words here but am thankful for the sweet comments on my last post. Thankful for the friends who have stepped out of the boat and walking in faith once again! It does my heart good to see little ones coming home!

Im in a strange place right now. Ya know the place where you HAVE to make some changes, you know how to make those changes and you actually want to make those changes but dang you just don't want to take that first step. But you know if you can do it it will make positive results. This is a pretty private list so I will share. I HAVE to lose weight. SOON. NOW. It is no longer an option. I have know for years that or bodies are temples and part of Gods creation and we need to take care of it but why does it seem easier not to. Whatever. No excuses. Just gotta eat right and exercise. I have to get organized. Surprisingly, I like to do this. No so surprisingly, I am not that good at it. I have tried the Fly Lady, but she she kicked me out! Just kidding.. SO if you can pray for those 2 things, that would be great!

I will keep you posted.

Stuck

Sat night was a rare date night at one of my favorite events, a Christian concert. It was MWS, Third Day and Toby Mac! Loved it! Its also a scary time. Confused? I love praise and worship at concerts like this, I love knowing that God is enjoying the praise and I love it when the Holy Spirit is moving. I love leaving places where I am motivated to love more, encourage and sin less. I come home with a spiritual high only to have spiral down a few days later. It always happens. I just don't like that part.

But I was sitting there Sat night, thinking how much safer I would feel if I simply connected myself to my Christian friends and avoided all others. I really was thinking that. I would be more likely to obey Gods commandments and just be happier..Sad, huh? But we are not commanded to do that which is scary!

and now its Oct 5, and we just got home from a family dinner that ended in disaster. I ended up going off in a unGodly way to the manager and having a nice chat with LM about mommys behavior. Totally disappointed in myself. I did not represent Christ tonight at all, which is what we were commanded to do!

Anyone go through stuff like this?