Man, I have been doing a lot of What iffing these days? It kind of started Sunday at church where they showed a clip for a trip to Zimbabwe. Ok, I do not want to go on this trip but I want to pray for those that are going to make a difference. So I watched. I cried. Tears down my eyes as I desired to hug, hold and laugh with these kids. I felt a hear pull. I said no God as I always do. I don't think this is the right time for me to go, but what if I had just said yes?
What if almost 2 years ago I didn't ask to see a file for a sweet baby named Lu Chun Ai? What if we had not met that family on the Disney cruise that introduced me to Dan and Susan?
What if we had done the biological baby thing? What if?
I am so tired of not making a difference. Now, I know some of you would say STOP right there but, I want to make more of a difference. I am just having a hard time taking first steps. I want to live with such a JOY that makes God obvious in everything I say and do.
I cant get over our daughter. She is just stinkin awesome. She is a stinker though and I wouldn't change her for anything in the world!
Sometimes I do the "What if I done this?" but now I am starting to do the "What if I dont do this?" I love that opportunities are around me, I love that I get to give. I want to do that more. I want to be selfless, I do not want to desire material things, yet I do. Ugh!!!!!
Do you ever WHAT IF?