Fear. Uneasiness. Whats going on in this world? Are we getting close to the end? Are we going to see Jesus come down to earth? Never ever thought I would type those words but I have certainly been thinking about them.
I have believed in God and his son Jesus for as long as I can remember but how many years have I acted on that belief? I am soooo disappointed with sooo many choices I have made over my life, and although I know I am forgiven, I still feel unworthy. Maybe this is God humbling me, I do not know.
I am sad for a few things. I am sad that there are friends and family who I will not see in Heaven. That makes my heart sick. I am sad that I have not acted in faith as much I should have. I have no idea why not since God has proven Himself sooo many times to me.
I love to love. I love to encourage. It brings me joy that I can't find anywhere else. But have I loved enough? Why am I so afraid to love like Jesus did? Why am I so afraid of getting out of my comfort zone? Why are there still homeless people in Atlanta? Why are still orphans around the world starving because they don't have formula? FORMULA? Are these situations placed on this earth so that we can demonstrate Jesus' love? Because we have seriously failed if thats the case.
Why do people in the church deliberately hurt one another? Please do not think I am singling my church. My church loves me an I have seen it love its members and the community (locally and globally) Every church has drama, I am just wondering why the church which was made to love, causes hurt sometimes? Is this just human nature?
I am excited that friends will get to hear God say "Well done my good and faithful servants". This excites me because I know their passion is deeply woven in their spirits.
What have I got to show? Now, I am only blogging this because its still a private blog. I do not want any of you to think why is Amy down in the dumps? I am not. I have been pondering these things for years. God has done some amazing things in my life. He has certainly shown himself to me over and over. I am just wondering why I am waffling. Satan sucks. I don't like doubt, especially when my faith has been so secure all of my life.
SO mind you, my mind is running fast. If my legs ran as fast as my mind, I seriously would not have a weight problem.
(im sure there will be more tomorrow)
I think you narrowed it down pretty much with two words-SATAN SUCKS. IT is a constant battle. :)
ReplyDeleteThough it is incredibly difficult, don't look at what has passed, look at what is in the present and future. For the past cannot be changed. God gives us each new day in which to try to demonstrate the kind of love that Jesus showed everyone. Our prayer at night is for God to forgive our transgressions of the day and let us start anew each morning. Our morning prayer is to try to live in the manner that Jesus finds pleasing. Forgiveness and hope = a feeling of peace about yourself.
ReplyDeleteYou have such a beautiful heart, Amy. Sounds like God is at work, stirring up new things.
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