Now I know that I think differently than most. The majority of people I know would agree over this. I stress over things that many do not. But there are 3 things that when I dwell, take me to a place that its hard to get out of. Not depression, but I sit on these things and either A) do something about it or B) let it control all of my thinking of the day
Things that bother me more than most anything:
1) Finding out people do not like me...Yes its true and I am aware that no one is perfect and not everyone is liked by everyone. But when I find out why individuals do not like me, it kills me. I let it affect my day, week, etc. I even try to change those things so they will like me. I am working on this, I think. I hate that I compare myself to people in the church, no matter what church I am attending
2) Disappointing people- not matter what it is. When I was child and I had an amazing parents, I hated for them to be upset with me.It still happens. I question everyone. Some people think I am a bit paranoid over stuff like this. I am a bit sarcastic so if I think I have offended someone, I will question and apologize for it over and over. I guess you could call me a people-pleaser. Its one of my weaknesses and I am aware of it. I hate that I do it. I wish I did not care so much.
3) Realizing that being a Christian means getting off your butt and doing something for God, doing something for the least of these. My problem is dwelling on the fact that I am not doing this. It is commanded of me and I am not doing it. LAZINESS sucks! Just saying. I hate this, more than anything. I am not being who I was created to be and I desire for this. When I dwell on this, I get down. I think its God convicting me of what His word says. Tired of making excuses. The goods news is that I am surrounded by people who are living the life that I desire and that is so encouraging to me.
More randomness.. But this is just being honest. I have done Bible Study at my church for 6 years now. Love it. Love all the people I have met. No complaints, its just been amazing. So now I have 4 days to decide which study to do. This has never been an issue. I have had a few ladies in all of my classes and now it seems like I am going to be breaking out and doing something myself, which scares me to death. Not a big fan of getting to know new people (see the people pleaser part). It takes me a long time to open up and share things. But then there is the petty part of me that has been waiting years to do to Bible Study with some ladies I admire and have known a long time but have wanted to do a study with. I think I have totally missed the big picture. Bible Study is an opportunity to dig deeper in my relationship with God. This season, I have been concentrating on the wrong stuff! What the heck? SO now, I am struggling with doing a study that my mom did 20 years ago and I think would be great for me or a study that would cause to go to places that scare me and would force me share and get over some of my issues. So if you are reading this, pray that I find peace about this. I know this may be a silly prayer to some of you but its really stressing me out..