Its Saturday night and I am sitting quietly, waiting to assess my patients. I love my job, just not feeling connected to my patients tonight. I am not sure why. Maybe, I am trying to protect myself from getting too close as there are some pretty sick ones. Maybe I am just still in a rut and need to get out of it.Working nights for 11 years has been crazy. I have met amazing families, some who I still talk too. I have witnessed life and death and miracles and God moments throughout this journey. When I think about how my job has been one of those God moments in our adoption journey, I have to smile. That's another story. I am not sure why God shows Himself to me. I do not know why I get those little whispers from Him. I do not need proof to know He is real, yes He shows himself to me. I do not deserve it. Sometimes He has forced me to slow down and be quiet so that I can have a few of those moments. I have had a few of those tonight.
I find it interesting how He loves children. He mentions them many times in the Bible. But I also think about all the things I have learned from not only my sweet LynnMarie, but the ones I work with 3 times a week. The ones that have had yearly surgeries all of their lives, the ones that hold not memories other than chemotherapy and hospital visits. These are the ones that find joy in things that I take for granted. There are so many examples I could share but that would take so much time. I think of the parents a lot, the ones that anticipated having a child hospital free and instead parenthood consists of appointments, procedures and hospitalizations. In case you have not figured it out, my job puts a lot of things on my mind. I can not believe I got to be a nurse. One of my many dreams that came true.
Sorry, its the middle of a night shift and I tend to be random!