Friday, October 19, 2012

Ah! What a crazy week! Lots of things going on, lots of listening, praying and no so much doing, although I did lose 6 pounds this week. I have been dwelling on some fb comments and blog comments this week. This is not necessarily bad, but it has gotten me thinking.

So, I am odd. I fully believe that God created me to be me, but sometimes I am just not normal.And I know that many of you will say but Amy thats why we love you, ugh.  Here is an example. I love positive feedback, I love getting compliments, but not too many of them. Got my hair cut pretty short this week and soooo many people gave me compliments. I love that they love it, but it also means attention was on me, and I really am not comfortable in most situations where the attention is on me. Then there was the weight loss post on facebook that brought comments. I am so thankful that people posted happy thoughts but that also means 46 people read it and had me on their mind.  I am not sure I can even explain why it makes me feel so weird. It is so nice to be encouraged, but its also odd to have attention on me. I figured out I have control issues at this point. Thats another issue.

Well that was issue #256, we have sooo many more to cover. I read a comment from a college roommate that said she loved me when I was keeping people arm lengths away. I knew I was doing that, and I realize I do that now. Want to know why? Because as much as I desire to share my heart with people, I do not trust that people want to hear it. That's it, simple. Now I have figured out I have trust issues. I just assume that once I get started sharing, I will get on people's nerves and annoy the heck out of them. I know I sound crazy, but this is so true and I know its keeping me from so many life moments. I desire to change, I just fear the process. I am sick of whining about God calling me to do things, and being afraid to take that step when everyone I know is just jumping in. Still jealous of those people.

Thankful  God is not done with me yet!

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