Sunday, October 28, 2012

I am sooooo mentally overwhelmed with things that do not matter to most people. Its really annoying actually. I can be awake for 24 hours, and then lay down and everything hits me at once and I can not sleep. 

Its been a crazy week but glad normal starts again tomorrow. I am not sure what normal is like, not sure if I ever really experienced normal, HA!

I have learned that you do not realize you have control issues until you lack it. Really, I mean it. I am a pretty laid back kind of gal, I am not a perfectionist and I thought I was easy to communicate with, but I have learned that all the communication issues I have are probably my fault. I do not like conflict, I avoid it at all costs. I avoid it before it begins. I have conversations where I predict how the other person will answer and I will change the entire course  of a conversation to avoid any conversation. Most of you who know me well know this and if you didn't know this, you have a great advantage. HAHA! I do not think I have ever experienced a a conversation of conflict with out my heart rate going into the 150's

So as I sit here, going through a lot of mental stuff these days, I realize that I can not control things. Honestly, I have always know this. But I can not control how others perceive me, how they react to me, or anything about anyone. But I can control my choices, which a great friend reminded me the other day. So that is what I will focus on. I have begun each day in prayer that God will guide me in making wise decisions even in the smallest ones.

So, this was a random post about random stuff. A bit too tired now, but going to process things that have been on my heart. Going to pray about those who are about to get hit hard by a hurricane, pray for our presidential candidates and pray for those who are hurting tonight.

So yes, this is me. The real me. Still trying to figure out how to be me. Trying to learn to take a step into the unknown. Thankful for those who choose to love and believe in me!

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