Thankful list

102. Church 15 year Birthday celebration- time to connect with old and new friends and a reminder that we are a BIG family with lots of stories
103. Learning site words with my sweet girl- we are both learning something here
104. Weekly fellowship with some sweet ladies doing a study that is taking me way out of my comfort zone
105. LynnMarie got on yellow at school. NO I am not thankful for that, but she was sharing her snow cone so I am thankful she is remembering to share
106. 3 weeks until we celebrate 12 years of marriage
107. My patients and families- I am sometimes too quick to judge and I need to remember to learn from them and I am thankful for that
108. My dad is now retired- the hardest working man I know. I now pray he learns to relax and slow down
109. ABC Familiy- now has an app so I can watch Christmas movies as soon as the season is here!
110. Hints of fall- I have seen a leave here or there turning colors and enjoying the aromas of apples and cinnamon at the grocery
112. Service Men and Women- They do not get the recognition they deserve. Thankful they have the desire to serve and protect us.
113. Forgiveness
114. Thankful for the fact that I deep cleaned two rooms of the house- plenty to go, but at least I started them,,

Thankful

91. Bible Study- Started a new study that is taking me out of my comfort zone but I know and trust this is needed. Thankful I had the guts to sign up and go to the first week,
92. My dad semi-retired. He is the hardest working man I know. I am thankful for him and he deserves his own post.
93. My daughter has stayed on green all week.
94. Coworkers who let me vent and are not only coworkers, but great friends as well
95. Fall is coming which means Christmas is around the corner
96. Change in attitudes from someone who is very close to me. Its been awesome.
97. The Welcome Home theme at our church I remember growing up in church and the amazing people around me. I am hoping sweet LynnMarie has the same feelings
98. My mom had a great doctors report today..Yahoo
99.  I am going home for Thanksgiving which means lots of memory making
100. The fact that my parents gave me a brother of sister.. true awesomeness. I wish I saw both of them awesome
101. Orphan awareness- thankful to friends over the years who have made adoption much more than growing their family..

3 things that bother me to the core and Bible Study decisions

Now I know that I think differently than most. The majority of people I know would agree over this.  I stress over things that many do not. But there are 3 things that when I dwell, take me to a place that its hard to get out of. Not depression, but I sit on these things and either A) do something about it or B) let it control all of my thinking of the day

Things that bother me more than most anything:
1) Finding out people do not like me...Yes its true and I am aware that no one is perfect and not everyone is liked by everyone. But when I find out why individuals do not like me, it kills me. I let it affect my day, week, etc. I even try to change those things so they will like me. I am working on this, I think. I hate that I compare myself to people in the church, no matter what church I am attending
2) Disappointing people- not matter what it is. When I was child and I had an amazing parents, I hated for them to be upset with me.It still happens. I question everyone. Some people think I am a bit paranoid over stuff like this.  I am a bit sarcastic so if I think I have offended someone, I will question and apologize for it over and over. I guess you could call me a people-pleaser. Its one of my weaknesses and I am aware of it. I hate that I do it. I wish I did not care so much. 
3) Realizing that being a Christian means getting off your butt and doing something for God, doing something for the least of these. My problem is dwelling on the fact that I am not doing this. It is commanded of me and I am not doing it. LAZINESS sucks! Just saying. I hate this, more than anything. I am not being who I was created to be and I desire for this. When I dwell on this, I get down. I think its God convicting me of what His word says. Tired of making excuses. The goods news is that I am surrounded by people who are living the life that I desire and that is so encouraging to me.

More randomness.. But this is just being honest. I have done Bible Study at my church for 6 years now. Love it. Love all the people I have met. No complaints, its just been amazing. So now I have 4 days to decide which study to do. This has never been an issue. I have had a few ladies in all of my classes and now it seems like I am going to be breaking out and doing something myself, which scares me to death. Not a big fan of getting to know new people (see the people pleaser part). It takes me a long time to open up and share things. But then there is the petty part of me that has been waiting years to do to Bible Study with some ladies I admire and have known a long time but have wanted to do a study with. I think I have totally missed the big picture. Bible Study is an opportunity to dig deeper in my relationship with God. This season, I have been concentrating on the wrong stuff! What the heck? SO now, I am struggling with doing a study that my mom did 20 years ago and I think would be great for me or a study that would cause to go to places that scare me and would force me share and get over some of my issues. So if you are reading this, pray that I find peace about this. I know this may be a silly prayer to some of you but its really stressing me out..

Thankful list 80-90

80. A new school with new opportunities for our sweet girl 
81. Friends who checked on this momma while her girl went to kindergarten for the first time 
82. The ability not to hover and let her attempt the bus like a big girl 
83. Good finds on garage sale sites so LynnMarie can finally have a princess room 
84. A friend who had a end of treatment celebration 
85. tax free weekend 
86. A call off from work so LynnMarie would not miss her Sneak a Peak and mom could go with her 87. Friends who are getting so close to adding to their family through adoption 
88. Swim time this week and watching our sweet girl learn to swim
89. the anticipation of Fall Bible Study 
90. The Bible- so much is in there and its still relevant. I think that's just cool

 70. Beautiful people who are not afraid to share their imperfections
 71. Rain- I know we have a lot of it  but its needed and gives us time to spend together inside
 72. The fact that I am ready to embrace change instead of running from it and I am actually looking forward  to it
 73. Family vacations- 7 days on a big boat with aunts, uncles and cousins helped make some great memories
 74. Holding a baby monkey
 75. Bags of art supplies to keep us busy on rainy days
 76. New families coming together because of adoption
 77. A husband who takes care of dinner many nights
 78. Disney Channel movies
 79. Fall is not far away

New goals

So we have all decided I have issues. I focus on things that really should not bother me nearly as much as they do. I vent about all the changes that I want in my life, instead of making those changes. So, I am getting ready to stop all of that.

I can not get certain scriptures out of my head these days. Words that make me cry because I have missed so many opportunities and words that make me smile because I can do something.

James 2:14-18

Faith and Deeds

¹⁴ What good is it, my brothers and sisters, if someone claims to have faith but has no deeds? Can such faith save them? ¹⁵ Suppose a brother or a sister is without clothes and daily food. ¹⁶ If one of you says to them, “Go in peace; keep warm and well fed,” but does nothing about their physical needs, what good is it? ¹⁷ In the same way, faith by itself, if it is not accompanied by action, is dead.

I am sad because I have prayed and feel sorry for those who are hungry, cold and are suffering. I know I am not alone. Why are we not doing more? I am not talking about texting to the Red Cross 10 dollars or even sponsoring a child over seas, which are both wonderful things. That money goes to help, but who is doing the helping? Who is being the hands and feet. I have talked about this before. A LOT. I want my daughter to know that helping is not an option. It is simply obeying. Last summer I wanted to do a lot of helping and I got lazy. Its much more comfortable to sit in front of the TV, catching up on TV shows and ignoring all the pain and yuckyness out there in the world. 

I do not want to live like that anymore. I am lucky to have many friends who are already living this way and are most excellent role models. Thankful to witness how they are living.

So getting back to that scripture, why don't we get out and help more? I am so sad, truly sad that many Christians  ( I am speaking of myself) worship on Sunday, and then Mon-Sat just live our lives. Sure we pray, go to Bible Study and hang out with our friends. But I am not being the church outside of the building. Do we go out of our way to help our neighbors?   Yuck. 38 years of that is way  too long.. 

Well, there goes my undiagnosed ADD. The title was new goals.  Yes I have two of them. One is top secret for a while and the other has been mentioned before and will keep you updated. Many of you may know it but thats not the point here.  I am ready to get uncomfortable.   Read to love the ones that many people say are unlovable.  BIG CHANGES coming.....

Praying for people you don't know

I got a comment today from someone that asked why I keep praying for people I do not know  and then left a not so nice that was quickly deleted.  I can tell it was linked from my face book  account so more than likely it was from someone I know which is sad.
Yes, I pray for people I don't know. I love it. I actually feel its an honor. For 5 years I have been praying for Nathan and Tricia. Many of you know him as CF Husband. There story is one no one wants to live. Tricia has cystic fibrosis. They married, got pregnant and it was recommended she abort to save her life. They chose life and their sweet baby was born at 24 weeks. After that, Tricia got a double lung transplant and followed by cancer that sometimes transplant people get. They have been living day to day and she has become more sick. We have watched their sweet girl grow up and both Nathan and Tricia blog about their lives. They are living day by day and if new lungs do not become available Tricia will be put on a ventilator and Nathan posted the chances of coming off of that are slim. I have been reading their story for 5 years and for 5 years have been encouraged by them.

So that brought the face book comment. I am not good at using a lot of BIG Christian or spiritual words but one I know is that spending time in prayers makes me realize how BIG our God is. That He sees the big picture and I am so thankful for that. I know He loves to hear from His children. I know he wants more than just a thank you or to hear our desires. He wants to hear our hearts. I imagine it makes Him smile when we talk to Him and wonders why we do not take the time. I think prayers is definitely a way to get to know the one who created us. I spend a lot of time praying for people I know and people I don't. I pray for random people like our favorite Publix guy and the lady on the street who has such a sour face. I find it funny that I love love to pray but I am not good at praying out loud but that is a whole other story. We are all children of God. He wants none of us to suffer. There are so many that have needs and I wish I could do more than just pray sometimes. I pray that I can make a difference with my words, actions and or prayers. I read the Bible and wish my prayers were as clear as David's.

So dear commenter who said I was a crazy prayer people. I may be crazy. I am going to keep posting what I pray about and more than likely, you will be prayed for today. But the good news is you can always hide my posts if you need to but I am still going to try to be myself.

58. Sophia the First on Disney Channel

59. The re-discovery of the library and learning the rules when we visit

60. Mommy-daughter bonding time on quick trip to Florida

61. Hubbys spaghetti

62. Coworkers who remember to ask me about Gotcha Day and the ability to share those videos

63. Getting to meet and care of China babies at work

64. Fear. I am not thankful for fear but thankful that God uses fear to bring me closer to Him

65. Friends who fight to bring their kids home. I hate they have to fight but love seeing how God works in those moments

66. Music where the lyrics remind me of the Truth

67. Anticipation of summer

68. The peace of decision making and not looking back

69. The idea of getting out of comfortable zone to experience something new

48-57

48. Facebook chats with my moms neighbor. Its nice to have an extra set of eyes on her

49. I am almost another decade and can still be stilly

50. I have not had a coke zero at work in 5 shifts

51. My daughter laughs at herself

52. Church friends who are the church outside of the building

53. friends who cheer me on every time I start the weight loss journey and do not give up on me

54. That I am aware that jealousy is an evil emotion that robs us of joy and wastes our time

55. weather reports that tell us when bad storms are coming.

56. Jonathon, our favorite Publix employee, who always makes sweet girl laugh and asks the best questions

57. Friends who are not afraid to ask the scary questions

 

Heart Heavy

Oh I hate being away from family. Here I am 8 hours away, having to work the next 3 shifts and my mother is being taken to the Emergency Room. I am not sure what is going on, but thankful for the neighbor who is so kind to do this. I am thankful that my mom is loved by my Heavenly father and my Earthly one.

I wish my head had a filter for my emotions. Too many going on one night. Scared to death for my mom but excited that my daughter showed me more things this week. Randomly writing letters and jamming to Vanilla Ice.  I do not like fear. I hate fear. I know that some fear can be healthy but I know it should never overwhelm your heart and mind like it is right now. Hoping this too shall past!

Being Thankful 33-47

33. Spring Break

34. Play dates with friends we do not see often

35. watching one 5 year old teach another 5 year old how to dig and collect rocks

36. A sweet 5 year old singing Ice Ice Baby back to me 

37. Improved communication skills

38. Patient's families teaching me that judgement stinks

39. Friends who love me despite knowing my faults (this should be on every list)

40. Summer is getting closer

41. Random giggles

42. Library books that have taught this mom to read some of them first

43. Facebook online garage sales and scoring some Disney Kinkaid Prints

44. College roommate finally getting close to getting her sweet China baby

45. College friends beginning the very step in adoption

46. Childhood pictures showing up on facebook that I thought were lost in a house fire.

47. Warm showers, cars to drive in, phones that can do almost anything. There are people who do not have these luxuries.

For soooo many things

22. A husband who brings me dinner to take to work

23. a husband who sends me encouraging texts to work

24. a daughter who reminds me that my day should be full of sillies

25. Bible study women who share their heart and encourage many

26. Thankful that God can take yucky emotions like jealousy and turn them into awesomeness

27. Pandora stations like Passion that make the drive to work better

28. Season 3 of Downton Abbey, but not so much the finale

29.Reliving Disney memories with my sweet girl

30. communicating with relatives on facebook and learning  so much about whats going on

31.Spring because that means summer is approaching and then fall and that means CHRISTMAS will soon be here.....yippeeee

32. finding 10-15 minutes here and there to catch up on  new book

Thankful

 

12. Food in my fridge
13. Dish washers
14. Trash service
15. the ability to take my daughter to the library and park after school
16. To see her emotions growing to understand sadness and joy
17. Bible Study friends of all ages who do not judge, but encourage and advise when necessary
18. Abraham, Isaac and Jacob- those before me have shown how God is faithful. 
19. Opportunities for LynnMarie opening up all around us
20. Wonderful coworkers, may whom I have had for over 10 years
21. The fact that we do not have to walk to get clean water 

So many basic things have been on my mind after watching a show on 60 minutes this week. It was entitled Lost Boys and showed men from Africa making a new life in the United States  and they appreciated everything, even a toaster. I am humbled by having so much. Who needs 2 bookcases full of books? Who needs over 100 DVDs and Cd's?  Its crazy how much we have. There are people who do not sleep with a pillow or shower with hot water. Its CRAZY! Just imagining what life would be like if we all shared our resources and spent our life helping others. 

Selfishness stinks. 

What are you thankful for?

Thankful

1. 2 days off in a row from work, I will take what I can get

2. A healthy child

3. making shrinky dinks when we should have been going to bed

4.a hubby who takes care of dinner when you are too tired to think about

5. referrals from friends

6. Celebrating the end of a 10 week Bible Study on the Patriarchs

7. LOA for a friend waiting on her sweet Melanie and a friend getting her sweet Taite this week in China

8.Downton Abbey on demand for free on Comcast

9. Reminders of God's faithfulnes everywhere I look

10. Friends who inspire me just by being themselves

11. a 5 year old who asks me to make silly faces

Nighshift life

Its Saturday night and I am sitting quietly, waiting to assess my patients. I love my job, just not feeling connected to my patients tonight. I am not sure why. Maybe, I am trying to protect myself from getting too close as there are some pretty sick ones. Maybe I am just still in a rut and need to get out of it.Working nights for 11 years has been crazy. I have met amazing families, some who I still talk too. I have witnessed life and death and miracles and God moments throughout this journey. When I think about how my job has been one of those God moments in our adoption journey, I have to smile. That's another story. I am not sure why God shows Himself to me. I do not know why I get those little whispers from Him. I do not need proof to know He is real, yes He shows himself to me. I do not deserve it. Sometimes He has forced me to slow down and be quiet so that I can have a  few of those moments. I have had a few of those tonight.

I find it interesting how He loves children. He mentions them many times in the Bible. But I also think about all the things I have learned from not only my sweet LynnMarie, but the ones I work with 3 times a week. The ones that have had yearly surgeries all of their lives, the ones that hold not memories other than chemotherapy and hospital visits. These are the ones that find joy in things that I take for granted. There are so many examples I could share but that would take so much time. I think of the parents a lot, the ones that anticipated having a child hospital free and instead parenthood consists of appointments, procedures and hospitalizations. In case you have not figured it out, my job puts a lot of things on my mind. I can not believe I got to be a nurse. One of my many dreams that came true.

Sorry, its the middle of a night shift and I tend to be random!

hearts

My heart is so sad at work tonight. My mind is on my mom. This is my first night back to work in 2 weeks and I am not quite connecting to my patients. I am sure tomorrow night will be much better. My daughter has also been on my mind as well. As much as I love being silly with her, I think we may have taken the silly a bit too far. Tonight, we had to talk about what can be said at school (as in certain words) an what is for home. This parenting thing is a lot of responsibility. Just because momma calls you were little sweet potato does not mean you get to call your friends muffiin heads. But oh I love her.

Spending a lot of my free time in prayer today. I am praying that every breath, every ounce of life is focused on glorifying God. I want my goal each day to further the kingdom of God. I do not say that lightly. I want to offer an encouraging word instead of instantly judging someone. I hate that I do that. I hate that I use the excuse that it is human nature. I hate that I compare myself to those who seem to have it together in the church world. I am truly jealous of those who spread joy everywhere. Oh I want that to be a natural part of my life. I can get there. I just need to change my thoughts and perceptions.

So if you read this, please pray for my heart. Pray that I can get off my tush and be the difference maker I so desire to be. That I can be the person God created me for and not be afraid of chasing after that goal.

Its Wednesday, our busy day. Drop LynnMarie off at school early, Bible Study, WW meeting, pick up LynnMarie and rest before dance class. Love it! She's finishing up her  4th year at FBC Acworth and they love her. Its going to be sad when she leaves. Backing up, I am finishing up the Beth Moore study, The Patriarchs which studies Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. I love getting back to studying Genesis. I miss all the Bible stories I learned as a child. Genesis is so full of history and is good reminder of God's faithfulness and promises.
Tomorrow I go back to work after being off for 2 weeks. Took a week off for our vacation and before that I had a hand issue and was off work to let my hands heal. Needless to say, its going to be odd going back to work tomorrow.

Enough about that, I am working on getting my tush up and doing something other than sitting around watching Downton Abbey at night. It is indeed a good show, but I have to find something else to focus on. But while I am working on that, look at the pic below and love it. We had such a sweet time as a family last week celebrating LynnMarie's birthday and Gotcha Day.

Working on my trip report for later. Still lots on my mind but that will come eventually......

Life is not always rainbows

I miss blogging here. You know why? When you are talking to a person face to face and you talk to much, they can not just walk away. When you blog, if you blog, they can just turn it off. I love those options.

Struggling this week. I feel like life as I know it is about to change and I have no control. I am thankful that God is. I have know God since a I was a little girl and so thankful that He has been a strong part of my life. I have written before that I am not big on religious words. Which is good because my my relationship with God is far more than religion. I like comfort, to feel safe. But I am not sure God wants me to feel comfortable. I need to be out of my comfort zone. I know that, but too lazy to get out, I am afraid. My heart is heavy for those I love right now. I do not like the unknown. I like to know how things will work out. I do not like a lack of control. Ugh

Enough sadness, we just got backed from our first family trip to Disney world. It was a 5 day trip celebrating LynnMaries birthday and Gotcha Day and we made some wonderful memories. I can not believe we get to be her parents. She is the silliest girl I know. I have been blessed beyond measure and I need to do something about those blessings. Maybe that's my next step!

More tomorrow...Have to go watch the Christmas episode of Downton Abbey

2013 goals update

So here are my goal updates:

Physically- I need to get exercising. Lost 2 pounds at WW today without even trying which means I have the ability to get to my goal weight if I can just make the right decisions

Spiritual- I am doing a study called Patriarchs studying Abraham, Isaac and Jacob. My study is wonderful and I am surrounded by a dozen ladies who are a bit older than me but I would not change it for the world. I am hearing so much encouragement and wisdom from these sweet ladies. I am not a big fan of the terms spiritual or religion, but I am going to do another post on this goal. God is doing some things around me and is softening my heart to many things these days.

Mental- I am working on a few of these things. My big goal was to have deeper relationships with ladies that I have known for a while. I am sick of " hi and how are you" friends. I need some substance, ya know. So, if you and I do not talk that much but you are reading this, there is a great chance I am going to ask ya to go get coffee or something sometime.

Included in this goal is my goal of reading 25 books this year. I have attached  my list so you can see what I have read. Such good stuff there!'' Ok, there ya have it friends.

  1. Forgotten God- Francis Chan
 2. Hole in our Gospel- Richard Stearns
 3. Ms. Understood- Jen Hatmaker
4. Desperate Mom by Sara Clarkson
 5. Grace Based Parenting
 6. Girlfriends Guide to Bible Study by Hatmaker
 7. reread This Present Darkness by Peretti
8. Peace with God by Billy Graham
 9.Notorious 19 by Evanovich (Stephanie Plum series)
10. The Beach House by Mary Alice Monroe
11. The House on Tradd Street by Karen White
12. Animal, Vegetable and Mineral by Barbara Kingsolver
 13. Secret Keeper by Kate Morton
 14.The Call by Os Guiness  
15. The Inn at Rose Harbor by Debbie Macomber
16. Made to Crave
 17. Proof of Heaven
 18. She's Got issues by Stephanie Johnson
 19. Unglued: making wise choices in the midst of raw emotion by Lisa Teurkist
20. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
21. A Stolen Life by Jacee Dugard.
 22. Thunder and Rain by Charles Martin
23. Grace Transforming
24. The Chance by Karen Kingsbury  
25. The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado

More than just the fat girl

Uncomfortable title huh? Just typing things I want to say. I have many goals. So during my 38th year, I want people to see more than just the fat girl. I want them to see Jesus. I want my words and actions to represent the one who has blessed me far more than I deserve. I want to make better choice. Hoping this will be the year!

It is a hard title but some of you have to admit that when you see a fluffy person, you are quick to judge. I am not saying all of you, but a lot of the population does that. I have judged. I have been judged.

those goals

So, this week I started working on my spiritual and physical health. I started a new Bible Study called Patriarchs by Beth Moore and will be learning about some of the leaders in Genesis. I think I am going to love this group. A lot of the ladies are a few years older than me, and I love that. Lots of wisdom to learn from! I tend to interact more with ladies who are not in my age group. I have kind of all been like that, I am not much more. I guess I realize I do not to impress anyone. Told you I was odd!

I also started back at Weight Watchers and it was not a fun weigh in but it was needed  and I had some great fellowship with ladies. I started tracking this morning and so far so good. Had some yummy waffles and fruit for breakfast and stocked up so I should be avoiding the cafeteria all weekend which is a good thing.

Book goal- I am starting with a Francis Chan book and Ms. Understood this weekend and am so excited, now if I can just find an hour or 2 to get started. Thanks to all of you who have either commented here or face booked messaged me. You sent me such encouraging words.

 So that's how January 2013 has started. Time for a new start, time for new changes. 

2013 Reading List

I asked for some suggestions on what I should read this year and got some great ideas so here is my list in not particular order.

1.  Forgotten God- Francis Chan
2. Hole in our Gospel- Richard Stearns
3. Ms. Understood- Jen Hatmaker
4. Desperate Mom by Sara Clarkson
5. Grace Based Parenting
6. Girlfriends Guide to Bible Study by Hatmaker
7. reread This Present Darkness by Peretti
8. Peace with God by Billy Graham
9.Notorious 19 by Evanovich (Stephanie Plum series)
10. The Beach House by Mary Alice Monroe
11. The House  on Tradd Street by Karen White
12. Animal, Vegetable and Mineral by Barbara Kingsolver
13. Secret Keeper by Kate Morton
14.The Call by Os Guiness
15. The Inn at Rose Harbor by Debbie Macomber
16. Made to Crave
17. Proof of Heaven
18. She's Got issues by Stephanie Johnson
19. Unglued: making wise choices in the midst of raw emotion by Lisa Teurkist
20. Hitchhikers Guide to the Galaxy
21. A Stolen Life by Jacee Dugard.
22. Thunder and Rain by Charles Martin
23. Grace Transforming
24. The Chance by Karen Kingsbury
25. The Applause of Heaven by Max Lucado